TOP TEN REASONS WHY WIDOWHOOD IS PREFERABLE TO DIVORCE

1.) Instead of losing half–half your assets and half your friends–a widow keeps it all.
2.) People offer sympathy.
3.) Those same people usually bring food.
4.) Black is slimming.
5.) Less risk of humiliation–a dead husband can’t remarry a twenty-something yoga coach barely out of braces with better breasts and a bellybutton ring.
6.) A widow is a martyr whereas a divorcee is oftentimes unfairly deemed damaged goods or viewed with suspicion.
7.) Life insurance.
8.) More life insurance.
9.) Death is permanent–no Jerry Springer-like meetings, courtroom brawls or bitter debates over who was right or wrong. (You were right, of course.)
10.) The ultimate last word…and you have it.